The Mommy Trap

What is it with turning 30? It seems like my entire world has all of a sudden become inundated with pregnancies, toddlers, and children. Prior to turning 30, I could count on maybe one hand the number of women in my life that were mothers or even entertaining the idea. Then last year, the year that most of my peers also turned 30, things suddenly switched. And it was not even like a gradual switch. It was almost overnight. Now instead of happy hour cocktails and naughty stories, I am attending dry baby showers and learning about the importance of having plenty of bibs on hand and the merits of Pampers vs. Huggies. Are you kidding me?!? I cannot escape. I know ten women that are pregnant right now, not to mention all the 1 year old birthday parties I have had to attend in the last year.

Then of course the questions start, "When are you and Donny going to have a baby?" Has it ever occured to any of these women that there are just some people who really are not interested in joining their twisted world? There is a commercial for Saturn right now and the women says, "You spend so many years putting yourself first, and when you become second, well, you are just so thankful." What the hell? I am sorry, but I am selfish. Is that so wrong? It is bad enough with my dogs that I sometimes have to pass on a happy hour because they have to be let out. But pass on my entire life? No thank you. I hear them piss and moan about the lack of sleep, the expense, the weight gain, the sacrifices. Then they always say, "But I wouldn't trade it for anything!" It must be the hormones because any person in their right mind would not view that as an invitation to become part of their pathetic club. Just because their lives are miserable does not mean everyone else should be miserable with them.

Don't get me wrong. I think children are great. And I have had more than my share of wonderful children in my life. Without which my life would be a little more lonely. I just don't know if I am ready to make that commitment yet. And I would appreciate my right to defend that and explore that without the pressures of society bearing down on me. I still have a lot of life yet unfufilled. And until I can comfortably say, I am done putting myself first, I don't think I really want to put my dreams and goals on the backburner. I have spent too much of my time doing that in the past. I think I get irritated that I even have to justify how I feel. It is the same problem with marriage. Society says, you have to do it. But do you? Then once your married, you have to have children. But again, do you? I have always had strong feelings against both for a long time. I never really ever wanted to be a wife or mother. Well, I finally decided that it might be okay to be a wife. But we have an agreement that I am me first, a wife second. I don't really know that you can do that with children and be fair. The prospect of becoming a mother threatens my independence more than becoming a wife ever did. Like the Johnson & Johnson commercials say, "Having a baby changes everything." They don't have ad campaigns like that for marriage.