School's cool!

Just a little over 6 months into grad school and only 30 minutes to spare before class starts. What to write? I knew that going back to graduate school would be life changing, but I never expected in what ways. Of course I am learning a lot and growing my mind, but I never anticipated the "spiritual" awakening that I am undergoing. Not spiritual in terms of God or anything like that, but just a need to find a higher purpose and a calling to define my legacy. I used to laugh when people talked about personal mission statements, now all of a sudden I am clammering to try to come up with my own. Crazy!

Not only have I undergone so many changes in my mind and soul, but I look at the group of people that I have surrounding me today and it is a completely different group of people then who I was surrounded by just 6 months ago. That was a transformation I was not anticipating either.

I had to make a decision to get rid of a lot of the baggage. I realized pretty quickly, now that I have such limited time, where my energy is best spent. If you are not positively contributing to my life, you have got to go. At least for the time being. I just don't have the energy to be the pillar that I have always been to so many. At first I felt kind of shitty about it. I mean I have always played the role of responsible, head on straight for others. But seriously, I just do not have the energy to try to hold anyone else up right now. I need to be selfish and think of me.

I am so thankful that I made the decision to go back to school. Right now things at work are not going so well and I am so greatful to have such a positive influence in my life that school provides. I can absolutely control the outcome. There are no stupid politics involved. I get the validation that I need. And a reminder that I am not the loser that I am made to feel like everywhere else. Here I can contribute meaningfully and receive back meaningfully. It is exactly what I need in my life right now and a big reason why I can let so many of the fucked up things around me go.

I have not felt this much at peace in a long while. I get the month of August off which will be fabulous. It will give me some much needed time to catch up with friends and family, myself, and with chores around the house. But I will also be very thankful when the weather changes once again and it is time to hunker down and hit those books once again. I am so thankful to those in my life who encouraged me to take the leap and continue to cheer me on (you all know who you are). It is a good feeling to know that people believe in you, even when the world around you gets tough.