I did it!

I got into my graduate program. I just wrote out the check for my initial tuition deposit. Whew! What a big decision. I am very excited, but I also have my worries. Mostly financial, but I just have to trust that it will all work out in the end. A new beginning. A new start.

Next year is my 10 year college reunion. UGH! Then after that, I officially lose my status as "Young Alumni". My dorky little school segregates alumni--young from old. The Young Alumni have their own social events, including mixers at cool bars and an annual holiday event. Wonder what the "Old Ass Alumni" club will have to offer? Extra 10% off the senior menu at Elmer's? Or maybe $10 off my AARP membership? Fucking great!

In any case, I am having mixed feelings about attending the reunion next year. On the one hand, I see it as an opportunity to connect with people I have lost contact with. Then I think, maybe I am grasping at straws. I mean, if they really wanted to stay in contact with me after all these years, wouldn't we have remained so? Another part of me cringes at the thought of being sized up against my oh-so-succesful peers. "So Rocky, what are you up to these days?" Um, working in insurance as a, um, underwriter, living with my parents (yes, that's right they are back from Texas--loooong story), and um, hanging out with my pugs! What the hell?!? "How about you?" Oh, I know the answers. I have seen all their little tidbits announced in our alumni magazine. "So-and-so was recently awarded the Cooler Than You award for her big brain and better pedigree. Thanks to her rich ass parents who paid for her degree and allowed to her to take a non-paying internship for free, while they supported her ass, so she could make all the right connections." Or "So-and-so is now Junior Executive at Big Bucks Inc. Thanks to her families connections to the CEO who she has summered with since age two." No, I'm not bitter or anything.

It is just that I had a really hard time, socially, at college. And it always comes back to haunt me at functions like these. That is why I have mostly avoided them over the years. A good friend is organizing the even this year and is really hell bent on all of us going. So at age 31, I find myself sucumbing to peer pressure once again. Oh, yes, and don't think I haven't already thought about the weight issue. And yes, of course, what the hell am I going to wear?!? Good thing I have kept my Nordy's credit card all these years--specifically in the case of a fashion emergency such as this.

I have plenty of time. A lot can change between here and then. Maybe that will include my self-esteem. Not sure why I am feeling down on myself, but I am sure it will pass. In the meantime, I had better attend our health and wellness fair at work. Maybe I will sign up for that discount membership at 24 Hour Fitness afterall.