Double Agent

I find myself in a bad position. I am stuck between two friends -- K and L. The two are part of my circle at work and lately they have not been seeing eye-to-eye. So suddenly, I am stuck in the middle.

Admittedly they are two very different people and from my perspective I would not want it any other way. I enjoy the contrast they provide in my life. K is ditsy. She is fun loving and always has to be the center of attention. She loves fashion more than she does books and values appearances above everything. She is street smart and has a very kind heart. I hang out with her outside of work, too. She likes going to clubs and loves dancing. She also shares my sense of style. L is my Charlotte. She wears Ann Taylor, even on the weekends. She enjoys reading and shares my passion for education. She is married to a nerdy accountant who likes to wear Dockers with non-matching shoes and belt. She lives in the suburbs. She is very tender hearted and worries too much about other people's opinions. She is the one I go to when I need honest, intelligent advice about serious life issues. K is the one I go to when I need advice about which shoes go with which purse. I need them both.

But lately, I feel like I am betraying my friendship with them. K will come to me and complain about something L said. And in some cases I agree. Sometimes she is too judgemental and looks down on people who don't have a college degree. She does come across as being kind of uppity and is pretty conservative in dress and appearance. Then L will come and complain about K. And again I agree. She does have a tendency to grossly exaggerate everything, mostly for the dramatic effect. She is sometimes careless with money and often flaunts its. She tells tall tales that don't always add up. She is not career driven or interested in academic pursuits. She discounts people who are.

So I agree and nod, the whole time feeling like I am doing something wrong. Although in some cases their assesment of each other is right on, sometimes it is completely off. And I share that, too. I try to provide insightful feedback. I try to point out fundamental differences in values and experiences that make each one who they are. I try to promote just loving someone for who they are. But sometimes I fall into the trap of editorializing while I am providing advice or mitigating conflict. I suspect it is human nature. And well, honestly, some of it is true. But I guess the difference is I don't have opinions about it either way. I don't care that K can sometimes be shallow--I don't need her to be deep. I have other people for that. And same with L, I could care less if she is not a fashionista. That's not why I value her. So I guess it is okay sometimes to be a double agent--sometimes I just don't think it can be avoided.