I hate skinny people!

This morning I was starving and a bacon, egg, cheese biscuit from Mickey D's sounded really good. Anyone who knows me, knows I love bacon! So I found a friend and headed over to the stinky Mickey D's near my office. After enduring the smell of B.O. and urine, I returned to my desk biscuit, coffee, and hashbrown in hand. I was so looking forward to the first bite, when two of my co-workers stop me on my way back to my desk.

"Oh, you already have your coffee this morning. Fine then." This coming from the self-proclaimed "health nut" on our team. Mind you, she is constantly obsessing over her weight and always loudly turning down treats, bread, carbs, etc. so that we can be certain we hear her. Not only that, she makes other people feel like crap for even looking at a piece of bread sideways. And somehow whenever we go out to eat as a team, I always get stuck next to her while she goes on and on about how she loves vegetables and fruit. She is so obnoxious! Never mind that she would be the first to scarf down 3 cookies when no one is looking. Or the fact that I understand that her daughter has battled anorexia.

Anywhoo, back to this morning. So I say, "Well, I went to McDonald's and I know that is really not your kind of place." So in her condescending little way, she says, "McDonald's, huh? Have you seen the move 'Supersize Me'?" Okay, are you kidding me right now? It is not even 8:00 in the morning, my blood sugar is low, and last I checked, I didn't think I was some kind of fat ass that needed a McIntervention! So I say back, "You know, I really don't care about that. It's not like I eat shitty food everyday of the week." With that she is half apologetic and leaves for her coffee.

In the meantime, I get back to my desk and start in on the greasy hashbrowns, saving the sandwich for last. Half way through the hasbrowns, I decide to quit, in favor of saving room for my sandwich. CRAP! They gave me a sausage McMuffin instead! Now my morning has gone south, and just then, guess who comes back for more?!? "Good morning Miss McMuffin eatin', such and such..." At which I turn my chair around to get a look at her, when she notices the flower pin I have on today, and says, "Oh my! That is a very big flower pin you have on your shirt today," with a look on her face like I had just made the fashion mistake of the year. This coming from a woman who still wears the Farrah hair from the '80's, wears polyester suits, and cream pumps, right? It ended with me giving her the look of death and saying, "How can I help you today?" through clinched teeth and my best fake smile. That ended that, but I am sure there will be another battle in the near future.

What is it with all these damn skinny people and their hang-ups? Just because you are self-concious and withhold food to make yourself feel better, don't put that crap on me! I am getting too old for that. Seriously. Life is too short and I am not going to not have a beer or a cheeseburger because I am afraid it will end up on my thighs.

The Mommy Trap

What is it with turning 30? It seems like my entire world has all of a sudden become inundated with pregnancies, toddlers, and children. Prior to turning 30, I could count on maybe one hand the number of women in my life that were mothers or even entertaining the idea. Then last year, the year that most of my peers also turned 30, things suddenly switched. And it was not even like a gradual switch. It was almost overnight. Now instead of happy hour cocktails and naughty stories, I am attending dry baby showers and learning about the importance of having plenty of bibs on hand and the merits of Pampers vs. Huggies. Are you kidding me?!? I cannot escape. I know ten women that are pregnant right now, not to mention all the 1 year old birthday parties I have had to attend in the last year.

Then of course the questions start, "When are you and Donny going to have a baby?" Has it ever occured to any of these women that there are just some people who really are not interested in joining their twisted world? There is a commercial for Saturn right now and the women says, "You spend so many years putting yourself first, and when you become second, well, you are just so thankful." What the hell? I am sorry, but I am selfish. Is that so wrong? It is bad enough with my dogs that I sometimes have to pass on a happy hour because they have to be let out. But pass on my entire life? No thank you. I hear them piss and moan about the lack of sleep, the expense, the weight gain, the sacrifices. Then they always say, "But I wouldn't trade it for anything!" It must be the hormones because any person in their right mind would not view that as an invitation to become part of their pathetic club. Just because their lives are miserable does not mean everyone else should be miserable with them.

Don't get me wrong. I think children are great. And I have had more than my share of wonderful children in my life. Without which my life would be a little more lonely. I just don't know if I am ready to make that commitment yet. And I would appreciate my right to defend that and explore that without the pressures of society bearing down on me. I still have a lot of life yet unfufilled. And until I can comfortably say, I am done putting myself first, I don't think I really want to put my dreams and goals on the backburner. I have spent too much of my time doing that in the past. I think I get irritated that I even have to justify how I feel. It is the same problem with marriage. Society says, you have to do it. But do you? Then once your married, you have to have children. But again, do you? I have always had strong feelings against both for a long time. I never really ever wanted to be a wife or mother. Well, I finally decided that it might be okay to be a wife. But we have an agreement that I am me first, a wife second. I don't really know that you can do that with children and be fair. The prospect of becoming a mother threatens my independence more than becoming a wife ever did. Like the Johnson & Johnson commercials say, "Having a baby changes everything." They don't have ad campaigns like that for marriage.

First Time

A couple of girlfriends turned me on to blogging and I am finding it is more intimidating than I expected. I mean publishing my most intimate thoughts for others to see is kind of scary. Maybe I am just afraid that I will find out that I really am crazy?!? It may take me a little while to warm up to this idea, but I find writing out my thoughts to be therapeutic, so I am going to give it a chance.