Apathy - Part II
Ridiculous things always happen on the MAX. I have come to expect it and realize it is part of the consequence of living in the "inner city". Once a man pulled out a hyperdermic needle asking, "How many cc's? Are you going to be a boy or a man? How many cc's?!?" He was clearly deranged and thankfully the question was more rhetorical, rather than directed towards anyone in particular on the train. Once I was scolded for not wearing gloves and the appropriate shoes for Oregon weather. Then there is always the occasional drunk or meth user, passing out or tweaking nearby. It is public transportation afterall. I am just thankful to make it home safely, where I can escape from it all. That is until recently.
The other night I was on the phone to a girlfriend, when I hear the front doorbell. No one ever uses the front door. So immediately I knew it was some stranger. As I came around the corner, I saw an unfamiliar women through the window. I was alone in the house and against my best judgement, I answered the door anyways. She is standing there with a handful of large empty juice containers and wants to know if she can use my garden hose to fill them up. Is this some kind of joke? My water bill every three months is over $200. Am I really going to allow some homeless stranger to use my hose? "No!" I tell her and she looks at me with the attitude. Whatever! I go back to the phone conversation with my girlfriend. Not five minutes later, I hear the doorbell again. What now? Holly hell--I can hardly belive it! She is back.
I open the door and ask "Can I help you?!?" She started lecturing me about God! "I hope that someday God comes to your door and is thirsty and-" I interrupt, "Are you f&*!king kidding me right now?!? Get off my f___g porch!" She goes on, "If you have any faith at all-" Again I interrupt, "I don't lady! So get of my f___g porch right now before I call the policy. Does my house look like some f___g homeless shelter to you?!?" Finally, she gets it. "God bless you, sister!" she says as she walks away. Call me heartless, but I really have no tolerance for homeless people. Again, not my problem you made poor choices and screwed up your life. I work hard for everything that I have and so does my husband. And I really don't appreciate being approached, of all places, in my home. It is bad enough that I get hit up at least twice a day in the transient mall on my way to and from work.
It is not that I am against charity, but I believe that it should be on my own terms. This is the third time in the last month or so that we have been approached by pan-handlers in front of our house. Again I expect this Downtown or while on the MAX, but not while I am doing yard work or walking the dogs in the park! It is bad enough they squat on the bluff beyond the park. Sometimes they are even bold enough to pitch a tent or roll out a sleeping bag in the wide open and stay the night. If I want to camp in a state park, I have to pay a user fee. So why should they receive the privelege at no cost? In addition, my damn tax dollars go towards the maintenance of the park for everyone to enjoy. There is nothing enjoyable about seeing a bunch of drunk homeless people passed out under a tree at 9:30 AM in the morning.
Call me unfeeling, but I am just tired of it. Why is it that I don't notice this problem in other cities? I think it is a Portland thing. I think that we are just too liberal here and too tolerant. You would think the rain woud keep them away. Or maybe it is just a North Portland thing. Trust me, if this crap was happening in Lake Oswego, they would find a way to put a stop to it quick. Such BS! There was one little meth house in NW Portland and the Portland Police provided a dedicated officer to the neighborhood to resolve the problem. We have an entire strip of crime infested hotels up and down Interstate, but because it is No Po, no one gives a damn. Things will never change. It is a government conspiracy I think.
posted by Rocky @ 2:24 PM
4 Comments:
Wow, it sounds like it has really been building up. It's hard for me to relate, i'm pretty sheltered from all of that... I live in the subburbs and work at a golf club, so i don't have to be confronted with that day after day... I think it would be trying for me as well....
Especially if I were confronted in my home...
However I don't like to generalize all the homeless as having made bad choices... I realize you are probably mostly just frustrated. I sense a lot of anger and resentment in your post... That breaks my heart, much like the plight of the homeless...
I suspect it's much worse in the bigger cities, just rarely mentioned in the tourists magazines.
And you're right, that is something that you deal with because you live in the inner city... There are even some that would say those who choose to live there have made bad decisions and turn a deaf ear.... which just shows how being judgemental really doesn't solve or change the reality and needs of anyone or anything...
You probably won't be able to stop it from happening again, and you may not even help anyone should you try, but you can control how you react to the situations, and the feelings you hold about it...
Chances are your cold bitterness has not inspired them to turn their life around and persue the american dream... or shamed them into a healthy work habbit so they can climb the corporate ladder.
Afterall they are homeless, many of them desperate, most of them having lived a hard life of abuse and neglect from early ages by those who should have been giving them love and guidence...
SO while you didn't make their day, you probably didn't break it either... but your anger does upset the harmony of your life... and lesson the happiness of your day.... and that may be a reason to rethink your approach to the problem...
For example....
Type up a kind note on a 3x5 piece of paper that says we sympathize for your situation but are unable to help each individual in need we meet.... we donate to the .... salvation army, union gospel, which ever, and know they offer many services for those in need...
There address is ..... blah blah blah... and then should anyone come to your door for a hand out you can hand them that and smile, knowing you were kind and gave them info to organizations that have the resources energy and compassion to help them.... You can even carry them with you if you are approached that often....
It's hard when you are in a state of Apathy to turn it in to sympathy, you may need to use an analytical approach and asess the logic of generalizations and the negative effects on self from anger, and then make small changes for the sake of self improvement rather then out of compasion or desire to help those in need...
Of course that's under the assumpsion you are dissatisfied with your feelings of apathy, which you may not be...
Talk more later...
Anyway, just a thought...
Poor people, I mean why don't they just get jobs.. and houses. I mean, don't they want to buy things and stuff? Why would anyone want to be homeless? And strung out? And hungry? I wouldn't.
You sound really frustrated. But let me assure you, there are mentally ill persons everywhere. Most become homeless. And drug addicts. When people don't know enough, (like their families) they don't know how to help, so they end up alone and on the streets. I don't know many drug addicts who premeditated their plight of homelessness, addiction and total misery. They made horrible choices when they were really down (and likely mentally ill-- even depression). Trust me, I know a ton of addicts.
AS far as Portland being too liberal, try a redneck town and see how that compares! And I can never find any screaming liberals in Portland these days, all I seem to know are moderates with a lot of their own problems.
Anywho---please don't slam the door on Lu when she begs for water from your doorstep when she is homeless this summer.
Seriously dude, I work in a depressed reservation... and it's plight everywhere. But blaming them and being angry doesn't motivate them to get lives.
Peace!
Okay, maybe I was a little harsh. But I just get so fed up and I admit I have too much of my own stuff to worry about. There was a time when I was optimistic that I could save the world, but then I grew up and reality was staring me in the face. Bills, mortgages, yard work. A secret part of me sometimes wishes I could join the homeless and leave behind all my wordly possessions to wander the world. But I am ashamed to admit, I would be afraid of what society would think. I know I am a slave to all of those things I hold in such high regard and too my job and "the man". But it's kinda like marriage and motherhood, it's just what you do, right? I guess I don't really stop to question it ever. It is hard to take a different perspective when you are caught up in the grind of it all, you know?
Fo shizzo.
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