"Don't be a stranger"

I hate it when people say this, especially when you know they don't really fucking mean it. Because if they really cared, then why the distance? I have been struggling with this as of late because I have heard the phrase at least twice in the last few weeks.

I know this girl, let's call her Glam Girl for anonymity. I met her and her husband about six years ago now. Let's call her husband G$. She has a upper level position with a high end retail store making a fairly good salary. She drives an expensive European luxury car. They carry a $400,000 note on their mortgage. They are the kind of couple that cares about labels--Pottery Barn, Jimmy Choo, Coach, 7, etc. There was a time when I considered us close friends. But something has changed in the last few months. I started to piece things together after her 30th birthday party. Glam Girl had a small affair at her house. I volunteered to arrive early and help setup. No big deal, I would do it for any good friend. I helped take coats and pour drinks for other guests as they arrived. I notice that my husband is acting self-conscious. Weird. Soon we are both sitting by ourselves at the kitchen table, awkward and silent. Later I make it down to the basement where G$ is enjoying a cigar outside. Apparently he is put out by my husband's attitude and is just about to make some asshole comment, when in comes D. What the fuck?!? What kind of friend acts like that? He is the host, shouldn't he be the one trying to make his guests comfortable? Instead he is downstairs talking shit? I was so mad! To avoid a scene, I let it slide and we end up leaving the party early.

The following month is my 30th. There is a slight dilemma with the guest list. G$ does not get along with a couple of our longtime friends. To avoid any drama, we choose G$ and Glam Girl. The invitations are sent. No reply. Finally, D makes a call to find out if they are coming. G$ is out with a serious back injury. They will try to make it, but no promises. No big deal. Why didn't they just call to say that? Afterall, we are friends, right? The day of the party, they are a no show. To add insult to injury, we don't even get a courtesy call letting us know not to expect them. Who is going to take my guests' coats and serve up drinks for my party, right?!? But seriously, I was kind of hurt. Especially, since it was kind of an important night for me.

After that night I resolved that I was going to stop putting so much effort into it. It just feels so one-sided. Then in a moment of weakness, I agree to help plan and host Glam Girl's baby shower. Two days on my feet making fancy tea sandwiches, four kinds. All the careful consideration for the menu to get it just right. Maybe I had some hope that she would finally see what a great friend she has in me and things would go back to the way it used to be. I must have been dilusional. I left that night feeling very unappreciated and irritated. I still have not received a thank you card for my gift and it was three months ago. So when they had their baby a few weeks ago, we did not even bother to go up to the hospital. Finally, after a week or two I drove with another friend out to Glam Girl's house to see the baby. After a long visit, that was actually pretty cordial, we get up to leave and there it is, "Don't be such a stranger!" What the hell? Last I checked the phone and the road goes both ways. I wanted so badly to tell her right there why I am a stranger, but I did not have the courage. Instead, I shrugged and made up some bullshit lie. I am not proud of myself.

It has just always been easier for me to run from these kinds of situations. Problem is, running does not give me any peace. I think they need to know why we don't come around anymore. I think they should know how selfish and self-centered they have been. I want to tell me them, they are poor friends. And maybe I would, if I thought it was worth fighting for. But I don't. So for now, I am content to be fake and hope the next meeting is far off.