Welcome to 2005!

Yeah! I finally have a high speed connection from home. And the best part is that it is free. I am so excited. One of our neighbors was kind enough to give us his old CPU with a wireless connection. I feel so spoiled!

I had a very nice weekend. Spent Friday out with one of my best gal pals that I have not been out with in months and months. We started out watching drag queens and ended the night dancing away at a club Downtown. It felt so nice to be out. I ended up drinking more than I planned, so had a bit of a hang over Saturday. Then Saturday night we had a few friends over for dinner. I had a total of 3 toddlers and 2 newborns at the house. Needless to say, it was a little hectic, but we managed alright. We had 7 layer dip, sangria, and sour cream chicken enchiladas for dinner. The conversation was swell and it was nice to not have to drive anywhere. Today we just chilled. We had more visitors from Las Vegas, husband's cousins with their new baby.

Now I am just chillin' in front of the television watching the VMA's. Earlier we were watching the news to monitor the hurricane hitting New Orleans. What a sad, sad thought. I love New Orleans! And it makes me sad to think about all those historical buildings being devastated by the hurricane. I hope the devastation is not as bad as they are predicting. The media has a way of hyping everything up. For instance, a friend was telling me how Miami and VMAs were flooded, etc, just yesterday and when I turned on the tube tonight, it looks just fine to me. Go figure!

I really needed a good weekend. Then it is off to vacation on Thursday. Super! So looking forward to a getaway!

What's in my head...

I am feeling the need to download my brain before I go to bed tonight. I have been feeling sorry for myself again and I am hoping that this little exercise will help me relax a little.

- I am starving for some great conversation. The kind of conversation that you share with a good girlfriend or the kind I used to have with my peers back at WU.

- I am finding I have very little patience for weak women. Stand up for yourself damn it! Why do you find it necessary to always be so damn accomodating?!? I realize that some men find submissive women attractive, but come on!

- I hate that things change. I am really missing the way things used to be. When did all of our lives get so complicated? And why am I feeling left behind?

- I wish I did not worry so much about money. If I am not thinking about how much I have or do not have, I am thinking about ways to make more. Then I am always thinking about what I want to spend it on. And then I feel guilty because I am not saving more. Finally I wonder if that will ever change.

- I hate my cats. I wish I could get rid of them, but I don't have the heart. So in the meantime, I live with their filth and bitch about it constantly!

- I wish I was going to the VMA's in Miami this weekend with the girl I know who won the trip off the radio. How much fun would that be?

- I cannot wait for vacation next week! I think I need to escape from reality for a little while. Hopefully I return feeling recharged and ready for fall.

- I don't want summer to end, but I am looking forward to fall clothes.

Time for bed now!

Offline

Wow! It has been over a month since my last post. I think my compulsive nature is getting the best of me. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, that I become consumed with something, whether it is a project, an activity, food, beverage, etc. and eventually end up burning myself out.

Last month, I decided to pick up 7 Habits again. I had started reading it a few years back and decided I wasn't quite ready to "commit". This time, I made it as far as chapter 2 - Be Proactive, when I decided to try to put theory into action. I made the decision to try and focus on three things--diet, marriage, and professional development.

Diet. My goal was to eat better, drink more water, and begin exercising. I started by identifying a list of "healthy" snacks and foods. I also brought a water bottle to work in addition to the cup I keep at my desk. Finally, I made the decision to limit my alcohol consumption to four servings per week (I had discovered that on average I was drinking one serving per day or 30 drinks per month!). The first week I was doing great. I was drinking my 64 ounces of water each day. I was eating three healthy meals and two healthy snacks. I stopped craving the bad stuff and I think I even managed to drop a few extra pounds.

Marriage. I am trying to be more patient and kind. I am trying to be more supportive and less controlling. I am trying to be more appreciative. Those who know me, know I have a long ways to go here. But at least I recognize it and I think that is a good first step, or a step in the right direction in any case!

Professional growth. All of a sudden a couple of weeks ago a light finally went on. I had been asked to participate in a project at work and got these lofty ideas about getting back on the path of "corporate climber". When I first started my career years ago, I was really motivated by this idea. I wanted to be the next CEO, not really, but I definitely wanted to make a contribution. But after getting laid off and getting kicked around by corporate America a few times, I lost my motivation. I became self absorbed and more interested in the simple life. Spending time with family and friends became my focus. Then this year, things changed. My family moved away. My husband got a new job working lots of extra hours. And all my friends started families of their own. For a while I felt like I was drifting, like someone took away my road map. Until recently. A supervisory position opened up and I decided to apply for it. At the same time, I made the decision that I am finally ready to go back to grad school, and this time for all the right reasons. In the past I would have been motivated by prestige or felt pressured by my mother. Now, I am going back for me and only me. It would be nice if it helps to advance my career, but I am not doing it for that reason. I am doing it because I want to continue my personal growth and really have an interest in learning more about the technical aspects of the business world. Something I did not get to study while learning about politics and the spotted owl back at WU. So, I applied for the job. And I started the graduate school application process.

Last week, I began to lose my momentum. I haven't even been blogging for fear that I might jinx myself. Blogging or no--I haven't been drinking water. And instead, spent the week drinking Starbuck's, Diet Coke, lemonade, beer, and cocktails. I also ate tator tots, a cheeseburger, pizza, mashed potatoes, pot roast, and chips. I found out that I did not get the job. And D and I are arguing this week because as he says, I think the whole world revolves around me! Doesn't it?!? What the hell ever! I am having a pity party and I feel like being a bitch!

So I need to spend the next week picking myself up and moving on. I think chapter 1 of the 7 Habits says "Don't be a victim." A victim I shall not be!