Evolotion of Species

Recently my brother explained child rearing in my family as an evolutionary process.

"It started with Grandma and Grandpa in the Philippines. Their main goal was to provide food and shelter. The basic necessities is all they could offer. And because of the harsh conditions, they couldn't be bothered with anything else. Then with our parents, food and shelter was not really an issue. So they turned their attentions to trying to provide material things beyond just the basic necessities, like clothes and stuff like that. Now with our generation, we are taking the next step. Like with Lily--I try to spend time playing with her and reading to her. Mom and Dad didn't read to us growing up."

I had never really thought about it like that before. So what does that say about where I am in this evolutionary process? From farmer, to factory worker, to office worker? And then every once in a while, somebody makes an evolutionary "leap" of sorts? Like the first fish that hopped out of the ocean and sprouted legs?!? Does being the first person in my family to go to college count for a "leap"?

So then what if your dad is CFO? Where to go from there? I spent sometime on Saturday with a group of friends from school. All of their moms are teachers who did read to them when they were young. Among their dads there is a CFO, a federal judge, a pilot, a successful business owner, and a college vice president. My friends? A foundation director, a waitress, a consultant, a radiology tech, a web designer, and an interior design student. Their life experiences include an advanced degree, life overseas, trips around the world (Africa, Asia, Fiji, Australia, Europe), a high rise condo in Seattle, a home on 2 acres in a gated community, a couple of high end European cars, and a few nice pieces of jewelry. I wonder, does it help to have a little bit of a "head start" of sorts? It has been debated by many, especially in the context of SAT scores. But seriously, I often wonder where I would be if my mom had read to me every night, or if I had no student loans, or if I had spent summers backpacking through Europe on mom and dad's dime, or....The list goes on.

Or how about those who are born into wealth? What opportunities are provided by such privelege and leisure? The best schools, the best clothes, access to exclusive getaways. Would my life be any better? Any more fulfilled? What of the evolutionary process there? I could go on, but for fear of spending any more time on the topic, and also of getting way too deep, I will end it here. Very thought provoking indeed.

All Wet

Ugh! I just got back from shopping for yet another shower. This time it is a baby shower, but I have already had two others plus a wedding shower in a matter of two weeks. All these babies cropping up around me are getting expensive. I don't mind so much the wedding shower because at one time I had a shower, too. But the baby showers, well, I just don't know if I will ever be able to recoup the costs. Is that terrible for me to think that way?!? It's just that, unlike the wedding shower, I just don't know if I will ever have a baby shower of my own.

I don't know why I am keeping score over such a thing, but it seems like I am always the one making the effort. One of the showers I went to was for a 2nd baby, and I don't know the etiquette on such things, but I thought it was a little tacky to have a shower for a 2nd baby. Especially, like in this case, the children are close in age and of the same gender. I could see if the proud new parents were less fortunate, but they drive the Land Rover, not me! The other two baby showers are college friends. Neither one of them attended my wedding shower. Not that it should matter, but for some reason it is bothering me a little.

Maybe I am bitter because I sometimes feel like I have been getting the short end of the stick all my life. You see, my birthday is 10 days before Christmas. So as far as I can remember, I have always received the two-for-one--Merry Birthday/Happy Christmas present. So, not only do I get half as many birthday presents as almost everyone I know, but now this, too. If I decide to never have children, I will miss out on even more presents. Yet, I will still be assigned separate gifts for birthdays, graduations, weddings, and babies for everyone else. I know, I know--gifts should be given from the heart. And don't get me wrong, I do these things because I want to (mostly). I probably would not have even noticed if they had not all been clumped together. Or if I had not just got my toes done yesterday. How I would love to afford that more often, when it hit me that I have spent about $150 in two weeks buying other people's kids stuff. Gees! That's five pedicures.

I love Paris!

The city, yes, but also the girl! I am not gay for her or anything weird like that. I just wish that I could be her. She was featured on "The Fabulous Life Of..." a few weeks ago and I could not help thinking, "Damn! I wish I had her life!" Top 10 reasons I love Paris Hilton:

10. She does what she wants without a care about what anyone thinks.
9. She is invited to all the best parties.
8. For her 21st birthday, she had 5 birthday parties in five different cities.
7. She has a great body and knows how to work it on and off the red carpet.
6. She has a place to stay in all the greatest cities of the world.
5. She travels all the time
4. She never has to wear the same outfit twice.
3. She never has to look at price tags.
2. She will never have to get a real job and gets to pick and choose her projects.
1. She is the modern definition of girl power!

I understand there is a new reality show called, "Who wants to be a Hilton?" Pick me! Pick me! Just kidding. Since I can't be a Hilton, I guess I will just continue to live vicariously! Maybe I could write her a stalker letter and ask her if I can be part of her entourage?

A sigh of relief

I feel myself slowly turning a corner lately. 30 has really sucked. But halfway to my 31st birthday, I am beginning to notice a change in the tide. I have some really great things to look forward to in the next 6 months. And I am also making a decision to take the initiative to plan for the future. I have found some things that are really interesting me right now. And I have some how found some motivation to take charge again. Yeah! Let's just hope it isn't temporary. Things I want to do in the next six months include:

- Travel

- Read and learn as much as I can

- Learn a new language

- Become a wine conniseur

- Get reconnected with nature

- Learn more about art

- Buy more books and less clothes

I have been a little self-absorbed lately, but I think that is what I need to do right now. Things are starting to look up and I am hoping 31 is the best year yet!

"Don't be a stranger"

I hate it when people say this, especially when you know they don't really fucking mean it. Because if they really cared, then why the distance? I have been struggling with this as of late because I have heard the phrase at least twice in the last few weeks.

I know this girl, let's call her Glam Girl for anonymity. I met her and her husband about six years ago now. Let's call her husband G$. She has a upper level position with a high end retail store making a fairly good salary. She drives an expensive European luxury car. They carry a $400,000 note on their mortgage. They are the kind of couple that cares about labels--Pottery Barn, Jimmy Choo, Coach, 7, etc. There was a time when I considered us close friends. But something has changed in the last few months. I started to piece things together after her 30th birthday party. Glam Girl had a small affair at her house. I volunteered to arrive early and help setup. No big deal, I would do it for any good friend. I helped take coats and pour drinks for other guests as they arrived. I notice that my husband is acting self-conscious. Weird. Soon we are both sitting by ourselves at the kitchen table, awkward and silent. Later I make it down to the basement where G$ is enjoying a cigar outside. Apparently he is put out by my husband's attitude and is just about to make some asshole comment, when in comes D. What the fuck?!? What kind of friend acts like that? He is the host, shouldn't he be the one trying to make his guests comfortable? Instead he is downstairs talking shit? I was so mad! To avoid a scene, I let it slide and we end up leaving the party early.

The following month is my 30th. There is a slight dilemma with the guest list. G$ does not get along with a couple of our longtime friends. To avoid any drama, we choose G$ and Glam Girl. The invitations are sent. No reply. Finally, D makes a call to find out if they are coming. G$ is out with a serious back injury. They will try to make it, but no promises. No big deal. Why didn't they just call to say that? Afterall, we are friends, right? The day of the party, they are a no show. To add insult to injury, we don't even get a courtesy call letting us know not to expect them. Who is going to take my guests' coats and serve up drinks for my party, right?!? But seriously, I was kind of hurt. Especially, since it was kind of an important night for me.

After that night I resolved that I was going to stop putting so much effort into it. It just feels so one-sided. Then in a moment of weakness, I agree to help plan and host Glam Girl's baby shower. Two days on my feet making fancy tea sandwiches, four kinds. All the careful consideration for the menu to get it just right. Maybe I had some hope that she would finally see what a great friend she has in me and things would go back to the way it used to be. I must have been dilusional. I left that night feeling very unappreciated and irritated. I still have not received a thank you card for my gift and it was three months ago. So when they had their baby a few weeks ago, we did not even bother to go up to the hospital. Finally, after a week or two I drove with another friend out to Glam Girl's house to see the baby. After a long visit, that was actually pretty cordial, we get up to leave and there it is, "Don't be such a stranger!" What the hell? Last I checked the phone and the road goes both ways. I wanted so badly to tell her right there why I am a stranger, but I did not have the courage. Instead, I shrugged and made up some bullshit lie. I am not proud of myself.

It has just always been easier for me to run from these kinds of situations. Problem is, running does not give me any peace. I think they need to know why we don't come around anymore. I think they should know how selfish and self-centered they have been. I want to tell me them, they are poor friends. And maybe I would, if I thought it was worth fighting for. But I don't. So for now, I am content to be fake and hope the next meeting is far off.